Oh Daddy, Dear Daddy, Please Don’t Go Away…

The title above comes from the refrain an old song called, “The Dream of a Miner’s Child.” Despite the pleas of children, dads have gone away in unprecedented numbers in our society. They have moved away, been incarcerated, become warriors, or have disappeared into 60-hour work weeks. Many more have checked out emotionally, sending the confusing message to children that, ‘Daddy looks like he’s here, but he’s really gone.’

After children come, many couples decide to split up. Some dads leave altogether. Many try to stick around and remain involved. In either case, it is usually the mother who is left behind to pick up the pieces, do the real grunt work, and raise the kids on her own for the most part.

And yet the most intense emotions a man often displays center around his children. In a man’s heart, in that most tender of places, Daddy exists, and lives on, regardless of his relationship with his kids.

When a father leaves, or his children leave him, he carries the heaviness of the knowledge that things did not and are not turning out the way he had planned and dreamed they would.

Fathers long for a hearth and home, and for deep connection. Perhaps the sheer pain of being face-to-face with his own broken dreams keeps a father from coming around as much as he could. It is a lot to hold – each and every time. Even when visits with children go well, there can sometimes be a voice screaming inside a man’s head: “Daddy, where are you? Why aren’t you here? Daddy, what happened?”

Facing and holding the pain of this reality just might be more than many men bargained for. For some men, learning to stand in there with that voice is part of the work on the Journey Toward Deep Fatherhood.